Compliments and Confidence...

Have you ever been given a compliment and not really know how to respond? Thank you-You too! Thank you-I agree! Thank you-I thought so too!
For some reason...This might be one of the hardest things for me to do! Some times I can't handle the good things-Can't allow myself to enjoy compliments(Silly me)!
Lets start at the beginning...Yes! I am going there!! When I was younger I struggled with confidence. My name was Toi, and I had short hair that was curly and I looked like a little boy. I was made fun of for many years because of my looks. I was very tall and skinny-Always had high waters because of this. I was told often that I looked frail and sick...I wasn't very big growing up-But I did put on some weight the summer before my senior year-At that time I weighed my heaviest 135(except for when I was pregnant of course...I had worked at Denny's all summer-of course I put on some poundage)I was told that my thighs had cottage cheese and I really needed to work on that-That put me into deep unhealthy habits! We won't get into that...Habits even when broken are always in your mind not to far away-Have to stay strong as to not get back into those habits...That goes for everyone with every kind of habit(so I think)-Habits can become addictions. Anywho...I was also A coach's daughter...A very strict coach's daughter-There was no getting away from that-rebelling wasn't an option-Or should I say Rebelling without getting caught(even though I had my moments of trying hard). I couldn't ditch seminary without being called into the office and get busted(Yes! For ditching my free hour during High School-Seminary class)and put into In-house with guess who as the teacher...Yup! My dad!! Ask me how that would go! By the way...I love my dad-Had to grow up to understand his ways...I hold no anger toward him. Love Coach Workman!
To sum it up, I never had confidence. And would you believe it...I still don't! Go figure...I have 9 amazing children who love me no matter how I look. A husband that tells me I'm beautiful every day! And I have a great amount of love for our Savior who died for me~This alone should give me confidence to know that I am a pretty ok lady! Well...Something in me, that has always been in me, just stays in me. Doesn't make sense does it! Well, it probably started out with the-Name calling? The endless teasing about my size and short hair(I did grow my hair out and started to wear make up in Jr high...That helped a bit)? The identity crisis from only being known as 'Coach's Daughter'? Being told, That one time, By that 'One' person, that I had gained weight and needed to work at getting my legs in shape and lose a little weight? Give me a break...I should be able to forget and move on and not carry this stuff into my 'Mature' Adult self...Right?? I can look in the mirror and cringe. I have worked hard on taking pictures of myself or with my children...Because those are something my grand-babies are going to want to see...I look at em' and get so...There isn't a word for how I feel about self portraits-YIKES! Might work. Ok...Moving on...
So here is the problem-I know my children know that I struggle with confidence because I will constantly make a smart remark about the wrinkles and many other things...Which I need to point out...That is a HUGE no no!! Never do that around your children! It makes them find the negative things about them selves! It also effects your spouse...Which takes me to the next part of this...
I am thin-Michael is stocky! I love his stocky-ness...I have always loved the way he was built. Well him and I mixed together-We have children that take after the Pacheco/Workman side-We also have children that take after my mother, the Reed side. And we have a couple that have a mixture of all the family. Well, I have seen my kids feel so bad about themselves. Our oldest son, finally at one point couldn't take it anymore and beat up those who would not leave him alone(extremely proud of him for sticking up for himself-Wish we could get Bobcat to do the same-And yes! If needed, by kicking somebodies A**)I won't get into detail with each one of the kids...But I see how bad it hurts them when they are teased. It doesn't feel good to see your children unhappy because they don't have the confidence they should. As parents we tell them how amazing they are. We tell them often that we love them and how proud we are of them...So how do you build your children up? Is confidence something that is taught? Well...You cant teach confidence...But you can definitely build them up...The hard part is, we also have to be honest with them...'Hey, your hair...You need to redo it'(if they look like they just woke up). 'You need less make up, we can't see those beautiful eyes'.  'Maybe you shouldn't have 2 helpings of cake tonight'.  'You need to run! You will feel better if you keep active'.  'Did you brush your teeth, your breath smells kind of bad'.  Or as Michael would say 'Pew! Your Butt stinks, go take a shower' . So by being the parents, trying to help your kids and be honest with them...It is crazy to think that even the simplest comments can cause damage! Just by helping...Praise Praise Praise!! Kids need tons of it-But we still have to teach!! So maybe, I am wrong...Confidence can be taught! I can stop being so negative about my 'Aging'. I can be more positive about myself, and not worry about what others think about my appearance-or size! The Adorable One is awesome! He might struggle with a few things, but for the most part he is very confident! The kids can learn from him to carry themselves with 'Pride' and learn how to be confident.  Kids look at us and see EVERYTHING! The good-The Bad!! They need to see both to stay grounded-Nobody is perfect. But, for sure...They need to see that we love ourselves-Not in a I am so 'Awesome' and 'nobody is better than me' kind of way...In a positive kind of way-'I am pretty good just the way that I am'! They need us and look at us as examples...In EVERYTHING! Teach by being an example!! They need to know...They are so special!!! They need to see us have confidence!!
So back to the compliments...If someone tells you your hair looks nice...Say 'Thank you!'If someone tells you you have great kids...'Say they are! Thank you very much!'(that one is tough because by no means do you ever want anyone to feel that you feel that your kids are perfect-So when I get told this...I usually down play it...I should never do that-I am proud of my kids!! Mistakes and all!) You get the point! Compliments-when sincere-Can really make someone feel amazing! And there is nothing wrong with excepting a compliment! I was just told today that my hair was gorgeous by a lady in the doctors office...She went on to say that she wishes she could have hair like mine...My response was with a red faced grin 'Wow! Thank you...I needed that!'. (I felt as though, I had a bad hair day!-Moisture+Natural curly hair=A bad hair day!)One more thing...We should give compliments frequently! Others need em' just like we do! If someone looks nice...Tell em'! If you think their kids are great...Tell em'! Even if you don't really like that person, but like their shirt...Tell em'!! That alone helps build your own confidence!!(<---So I Believe)
 I may never have a lot of confidence...But I can sure try-and work on it! It helps to Remember that our Heavenly Father made me(And he doesn't make mistakes)-He loves me and is always there for me-My Husband Loves me and tells me every day-My children Love me(they may not like me all the time...But I know they love me)...I know that I am a hard worker who loves to work and clean and run...Even if it isn't marathon running...I am excited to get out and do it. I love to play the piano-I can fold sheets so awesome...it is all most an art!!(No... really! :O) )There are a ton of things that are positive and good about myself...All I need to do...Is FOCUS! And remember those sweet eyes that are watching...Also...The Adorable One who couldn't live without me... :O)
Now...Don't take this and turn it into something it isn't...I just know a lot of people who lack confidence-I know how you feel! I want my kids to know that I understand more than they think I do.
Have confidence! Smile and be ever so thankful for how our Heavenly Father made you...We are all different, But boy...We are all Special in our own God given way!
One more thing! If you don't like something...You are the only one who has the power to change it. I allowed someone to make me feel bad and I have used it for an excuse....Only I can change the way that I feel! Now to teach my Children this!!
Believe in yourself...Sometime when someone says something bad about you, they usually end up thinking something great about you...But they just don't have the Confidence to tell you!
Funny how people are...But that is a whole-Nother blog post!!
Enough Blah Blah Blah!!
Smiling :O)