Keep moving forward!

They tell you in recovery programs that writing helps...Write in a journal. Write a letter to someone that has damaged your spirit in any way, or to someone that you may have damaged their spirit..And then burn it...or shred it...Or give it to that person. Write a book. Put your experiences in that book...It is healing. Share your trials and struggles with others so that they can see that they are not the only ones having a hard time, and that there is HOPE! Life can be handled-You DON't have to do it alone... 

So I am writing...

This morning it is crisp outside. With the gray clouds slowly sweeping across the sky while releasing a slight mist of moisture, I sit on our front porch trying so hard to gather my thoughts-trying to control emotions that I so want to just release. If I were to talk in a loud whisper, all that is being bottled up inside would be released and it all would be kept between me and the hummingbirds that come to take a quick drink...And Justin's Sadie Pup that keeps me company during moments like this-Dogs know...

How does one hold it all together, when everything seems to be falling apart? How does a mother keep moving forward with so many uncertainties-making sure that her children feel safe. How does a wife put a smile on her face to help keep the moments light, when really she wants to fall into her husbands arms and weep? How does a child continue to pretend that they don't know and understand the situation, just to help hold it together-and not fall apart themselves? How does anyone keep the bitter thoughts and words to themselves, when throwing daggers seems to be the only way to release the pain that is within their souls? During hard times, its easier to be rude and harsh and brutally unkind.

Would it be bad for me to just hope that someone else will just step in and take over-dealing with all the things I no longer want to deal with?? I want to keep my life, but don't want to handle the hard stuff any more...*Guess I am getting worn out and lazy!*

As I ponder on my life, and think back to my younger years...I simply ask myself the question...What would you have changed if you had the chance...?

Before I get to what my answer was...

Let me just say, it isn't easy trying to stay optimistic when there is a constant, 'Take that!' and 'Lets see how you can handle this!'. It isn't easy to push myself to the limit of trying to remain positive, when there is so much NEGATIVE surrounding me. 

There is a positive to every negative...It all just depends on how you choose to look at things. I can either try to see the positives, or I can fall into the ever so trapping Negative force that grabs ahold of you and sits on you...Until it owns you and controls you *This happens all the time-Just look on facebook!*

What is hard...? Is when you feel as though you are putting so much of your energy into TRYING to find positives during such a tough time and to actually BE positive...Trying to live what I preach-Failing all the time...I am human. More human than most probably...Failing and trying again-over and over to keep things in a positive perspective is-HARD! 

It may seem hypocritical to some...But if anyone knows me, knows that I am doing my best-And I can say that I am trying and putting some effort into becoming better-More understanding. I have such a Mountain to climb-I have so much to learn-But I can testify, that if I can keep pulling myself up, God will be there to grab my hand to help me reach the top...

Here's the kicker...I have to be willing to release one of my hands from the Mountainside, having ZERO doubt in my heart, mind and soul...SO that, I can reach up and grab ahold of God's hand...Trusting he will not allow me to fall.

That is easier said then done sometimes-I don't know why. I have been taught all of my life that our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ will always be there-But I have to trust and I have to have faith...Doing my part. Being humble to know that I can not live this life and climb the ever so huge mountain without them. I CAN NOT DO IT ALONE...Nobody can! 

It is silly to even think that you can.

What would you have changed if you had the chance...? Now to my answer...

Nothing. 

All of the choices that I have made throughout my life have prepared me for all that our family is going through now. 

I never wanted to have such struggles that I have today, but when looking back, I was being prepared. God knows that I can do hard things. Even when I become weak and tell him I have had enough...I always get that strength to go another day and continue working at it. 

In time, this to shall pass.

There are things I am excited about...Don't think my life is all doom and gloom...

Sass lives a block away from us now, and I get to see her every day...I LOVE THAT! She is amazing, and I just love seeing her with her siblings. And would you believe it...She is learning how to be an electrician-Say what??

Elder Pacheco is doing amazing. I am so thankful to have a missionary. Justin writes home often, and I love reading about how much he is growing in the gospel. He is a huge piece to our family puzzle, and I tear up missing him daily-We all miss him-Regardless, I am so proud of him, and would not want him doing anything else...This will always be an amazing experience he can share with others. What an amazing example Elder Pacheco is to his brothers, sisters, and his parents. 

All the kids keep me going...They hug me and ask me how I am doing...I just love them and appreciate them so very much...Heavenly Father knew I needed strong kiddos-I am quite the handful.

My husband...The Adorable One has a determined soul. He looks at me with those eyes of his, and I fall in love with him over and over again. I won't lie, I want to strangle him some times-most of the time, but I am so thankful for all the effort he puts into keeping this family afloat. Michael is a hard working man-always has been. I Love my husband and I pray, for him and I to keep holding on-Working together to reach that Eternal goal...Getting through this earthly life together.

*We are each others security blanket*

I have an amazing family...I have am so thankful for the many many blessings that I have. There is always something to be thankful for...The simple things in life...Those are the things that keep me looking up.

For those who are struggling...Chin up. Keep moving forward. Pray...I don't care if you pray to the moon, pray. Life wasn't meant to be easy-So lets all man up and just deal with the life we have been given...Taking it all one day at a time-Never forgetting to give thanks for another day to try again. 

*Rememember there is always someone out there who has it worse than you...*

Grab ahold of someone, hug them, and ask them how they are doing today...It helps to get your focus onto someone else other than yourself.

Happy Thursday...It is a blistery, thundery, rainy day by now...I love to hear the windchimes talk to me...They make such amazing sounds. Its the simple things in life...Things always seem to work out in the end.

**So I can say, when I started this blog post, I was feeling pretty 'Blah'. But after just writing a few thoughts, I am ready to smile and enjoy the rest of the day...So there you have it folks. Writing does seem to be therapeutic-Get to writing!**