I am a failure....

We live maybe 2 blocks from the school. I can see the school clearly from our front yard. I am not big on letting the kids walking by themselves to school...I am not sure why! I make the kids run by themselves around the neighborhood*of course I usually stand outside and watch them*...Walking to school by themselves as always made me nervous. Maybe it is because of all the traffic-Cars n Trucks n Vans going in and out of a very narrow roadway that leads into the school. Anyway-It is rare for me to let them walk, I am usually walking with the kids or giving them a ride.
I have 3 kids that go to school at an earlier time...They have to be there by 7:50. That would be the 2 High School kids, and our 8th grader. I have 3 other kids that don't have to be to school till 8:00. Well, Jessi-our 5th grader, who wanted to go a little bit earlier today, went with the older kids. I told Bobcat and Jazzi that they could ride with them as well, so they could go to the playground for a little bit. They didn't want to do that-They wanted to walk. I wasn't sure about that...But eventually gave in. So, I sent the older kids off, and then my 2 little big kids off to walk on their own. No problem!
After a good 3 or so minutes later, I hear the crying and the little running steps of Jazzi. She comes through the door, so sad, and She say's 'I don't want to walk without you! I want you to come with us...' My goodness! By this time I was not able to walk them, the 3 little guys were not ready to go, and the vehicles that had gas in them were already gone! So I had to Hug her tight and kiss her cheek a few times, telling her to be brave! Telling her that I would watch them all the way....She was not easy to convince, so I just had to be stern and tell her she needed to hurry and that she had to go. My heart sank! Dang it! *Note to self-Always have the 3 little guys dressed with shoes on in case of an emergency or melt down*.
Jazzi left still crying. Bobcat was waiting for her, being patient. Jazzi stopped quite a few times looking back, and I could hear her crying all the way to school...*I am sure the neighbors were thinking how cruel I must have been to send them off on their own(probably not, but the thought crossed my  mind)* When they finally reached the stairs that would lead them out of the view of the house, Jazzi and Bobcat stood there looking...After a good minute...They turned around and went on their way.
It might be silly that I feel so bad about this. I am their mom, and I should be helping all the children to spread their wings and do things without 'MoM'. Maybe it is because I know how fast time goes, and I am in no hurry to RUSH my babies out the door. Maybe I am the one afraid of detachment, worried that once they feel that freedom they will never come home. Or maybe it is, I just love my kiddos so very much and want to do as much as I can for them, being by their side as much as possibel. A 'Stuck like Glue' kind of MoM! I will watch the clock close, awaiting Bobcat, Jazzi, and Jessi's return from school. I will probably stand out front and watch to make sure they are all 3 together.
I look back to when Cassandra started school...We lived in Silver City NM at the time. She had an amazing Kindergarten teacher-I would take the 3 kids that I had at the time, every day, to the play ground before school so they could play, and I would than go back before school was let out to be apart of the last half hour of story time. The kids LOVED this, and I learned from the beginning that it was important for me to be around as much as possible. It is important to know where my kids are-and who they are with.
It may be considered spoiling...I just call it parenting*I do my best-and probably could do better*!!

On a little bit of a different note*
I went to parent teacher conferences yesterday for my older kiddo's.  Maybe I should let you know where I stand as far as grades go...My children can bring home straight A's but if they have an N or F in the listening and following the rules area...Boy are they in trouble. The same with if they were to bring home C's n D's...The first place I look is the behavior marks. Good grades do not make you a Good person. So, I was very happy when every one of the teachers had great things to say about Sass, Nicci, and Justin...One even told me how much Justin has matured....Kinda took my breath away :O) I left happy!
Today I go for the 3 elementary kids. I hope to have the same outcome...We shall see.
School is important, but, I think tests and grades have become the focus of our children. I tend to think that teaching respect and good behavior has been forgotten at home and in school. Everything begins in the home...And I will remind myself of this when the principle calls me for the first time because Tator Tot beat someone up or when Champion throws his chair across the room at the teacher! I am not worried so much about Chase, but I am sure the teacher will be talking with me about Chase not having patience... Standing in front of the teacher saying Over and Over...Teacher, Teacher, Teacher, Teacher....*Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom and also...Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad...While tapping on our shoulder-Twitch! Twitch! Us parents go*
HEAVEN help us with the last 3 energetic crazy busy little boys! They are so darn special...

Happy Friday! :O)