Today is Wednesday...Wednesday night.
All day, I have had several different thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
My favorite time to do my deep thinking is while out running, or walking...Nothing beats a good hard run with your headphones in, with some amazing music playing *Everyone knows this-I am like a broken record some times-Ok! Most of the time!*
Anyhow...
In the last 3 weeks, I have found more time, to just think. Not just while out running.
I have gone on long drives by myself. I have sat on the edge of my bed for just a couple of minutes-Just to ponder on my day ahead *Getting myself pumped to survive the simple daily duties*
Tonight, I sit in a Hospital room.
I sit on the corner of a little pull out couch, while our sweet Jessi rests while her body works hard to heal...
*more on Jessi in a second*
As I sit here, I can not even put into words how many thoughts have gone scrambling through my mind...Yet, my mind is more at peace now then it has been in a long time.
Soul searching is absolutely necessary-refreshing.
We all need to take a little time to find ourselves again...Probably on a daily basis-It only takes a few quiet moments. It is very important that we dig deep inside ourselves as much as possible-This helps with keeping our priorities straight *Says Me!*
There have been times in my life when I have felt that I just don't know if I can handle everything that is handed to me. The Daily struggles, and the once in a great while, piles of Trials...
*Trials can sometimes feel like laundry-Trials never goes away(There is always something new that comes your way-Once your all caught up BAMM! You have yourself another pile). And if left undone or not worked on, it will pile up on you fast! Making it a lot harder and a whole lot longer to get done and over with*
Why can't things just go smooth, and why can't everyone just feel blessed and HAPPY??
Good question, Right?
Because we are ALL human. We all have the rough edges in our lives. Some things are easier to smooth out, but most of the time...Those rough edges are meant to be there, to make you work harder to buffer it all out before it can become smooth and shining bright *Does that make sense?*
Nobody has a smooth life...Where is the growth, if our lives were smooth without having to show any kind of effort to 'Buffer' and improve...
Now, don't get me wrong...I don't like making mistakes. I don't like watching my loved ones make mistakes, but mistakes are necessary for growth. I can promise this...If you have the patience to buffer and put some effort into the process *including repentance*, you will feel so accomplished when all said and done. PLUS! You will have a whole new understanding of what others are going through and will become less judgmental *so I Say*.
I have thought several times that my trials are hard...Until today. Well, I still think my trials are hard, but today I was given a swift kick in the fanny...*Again*
IT COULD BE WORSE!!
Going back to Jessi...
We have pretty healthy children. They are energetic, and seem Happy *For the most part*.
**We do not have a perfect family...But we do have a very special family(So I say)**
We have been blessed with very little health issues...concerning our kiddos.
We have been really blessed with this...But every now and then we have something pop up.
Cassandra doesn't handle heat well. Justin and his knee. Nicci with her nose bleeds. Champion with his fits...Oh! Wait-That has nothing to do with his health-Scratch that!
Then there is Jessica...
Our sweet Jessi has dealt with some miserable pain for over a year now. Pain in her abdomen.
Yesterday, which was Monday, Jessi had gotten sick and was just laying on the couch, in pain while vomiting with a fever.
Nothing new-this has happened several times before. Jessi would feel sick, and would be hunched over due to the pain in her belly...and then the next day she would be feeling better...But she has been so fatigued and as time has gone on-Jessi just seemed run down most of the time. I find her laying around reading not wanting to do much activity.
But this time seemed a little bit different...What made it different?
Jessi was paler than pale. She was so miserable, yet she didn't cry or complain. She was tough, but her fever was still there this morning. It didn't go away quite as fast.
All the kids told me to take Jessi in, she was SICK. They were all concerned, especially Sass.
I went on the internet like all crazy paranoid mothers do, just to get completely siked out and scared. Jessi couldn't be dealing with an appendicitis...She would have been in more pain, and after over year of the same symptoms-Her appendix would have burst by now...RIGHT? It had to be something worse, and harder to fix.
Michael and I decided to get Jessi to the doctor, feeling nervous about what could be wrong.
I drove her to the pediatricians office, but they were booked and were short a doctor-so there was no fitting Jessi in. I didn't argue, although I was a little bit frustrated...I just decided to take Jessi to the ER.
We got to the Emerency Room here in PV, and you wouldn't believe how quickly they got Jessi in. I was shocked. I have sat in the ER room with a screaming baby for hours before-This was amazing to me.
I explained all of what has been going on with Jessi. I did have a nurse that was trying to convince me that Jessi was just constipated...*I struggle when others try to tell me what is wrong with my kids, when I know better-Chill out Toi! She is a nurse-You are not! BUT...I do have Mommy power, and I had a gut feeling and just knew better!*.
Shortly after the nurse came in and let me know what she thought was wrong...
*By the way-The nurse was actually very nice and worked very good with Jessi-Just thought I would clear up how I feel about the nurse!*
The most amazing ER doctor ever, came in, sat down and listened to me-not once did he interupt me.
He asked me what I wanted her to be tested for. I said, 'Everything!'
The Doc looked at me, and told me what he was gonna do, and he agreed about what Jessi needed to be tested for...Pretty much Everything!
*At least all that they were able to test for in this Hospital-Enough to give us an idea of what to do next!*
So blood work was done, and so was an ultrasound.
After waiting, for what felt like an eternity, the doc came in and said everything turned out normal.
Except...Jessi's white blood cells were elevated, and the ultrasound shows the appendix was enlarged...with a possible collapsed intestine. We need to do a CT scan ASAP.
More waiting...
Got the CT finally done, and the doc came in with a relieved smile on his face...It is her appendix.
The doc looked at me and said 'Jessica has all of the normal symptoms, except for the time span!'
He was shocked that she has dealt with the pain for so long, and that the appendix didn't burst!
I guess one side of her appendix was pretty inflamed while the other side showed early signs of appendicitis...They explained a bunch of stuff, but you know how doctors talk-They have a total language of their own. I just knew that Jessi had to have surgery, and there was no waiting, it had to be done today.
Now, when you live nearly 2 hours away from a Hospital-Everything seems so scary to think about-
'If it had burst-would we have gotten Jessi to the Hospital soon enough?' 'Would we of even known??'
The doc told us surgery was set up and that things were going to feel so much better for Jessi.
So back to why this kicked me in the fanny...
The appendix isn't needed. And the surgery to remove the appendix, is pretty simple for the most part.
NO BIG DEAL!! Right?
Well, as a mother...Heck yes it is a big deal! Surgery is surgery...No matter how big or small.
I looked at my amazing pale faced, always so happy, giggling, joking around 12 year old-who was completely miserable. It was so hard to see her be so sick.
Reality set in...Things could be worse. With everything in my life...Things could be worse.
My daughter was sick, but it was an easy fix. She was going to feel better soon. She was going to live.
It is amazing how good you can feel when you actually ALLOW yourself to do so.
Crap happens! Clean it up, and move on.
It is what it is...Life isn't that bad!
Life does go on, even when really bad things happen...Learning to cope and deal with things isn't always easy, but it is a must or you will completely fall apart and lose yourself if your not careful.
I am so thankful for my blessings. I have so many! The positives always outweigh the negatives.
One thing that I have to share-There is no possible way myself, or anyone else, can get through tough times alone. Lean on family! Pull together, and work through things. No Quitting!
The more positive you are about situations and tough times, the better you just might feel. Things don't fix themselves, most of the time you have to put forth alot of effort along with some elbow grease while buffering away the rough edges of life.
I will take my trials and learn from them, in the hopes of becoming a more understanding person...
with a little bit more compassion and love for others. We really don't know what others are going through...We have a tendency to create stories of others in our minds, assuming the difficulties they may be going through...Shame on us!
**It is now Thursday and Jessi is pluggen along. What a trooper!! We hope to go home by tomorrow morning...
Jessica just got some chicken broth and some jello-I see a gympse of my amazingly happy, silly daughter coming back to life...She still has a lot of pain, but she is one tough Cookie...
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