I am an open mouthed, tell it like it is, always giving my two cents, dishing out my opinion-even if it isn't asked for...Putting my foot in my mouth often-'Watch out! Who know's what is gonna fly out of 'Her' mouth next', type of person.
Don't get me wrong, I do have a filter-It is just a very small one.
I do not like to upset people. I do not like to disappoint people, and I for sure do not like to offend people...Yet! I feel it is so important that I am always honest with my words, as with my feelings-
I do this, Some times without thinking about others feelings...at least not soon enough, to 'Filter' my opinion a little bit...*I just don't always think before speaking*
Today I had a conversation with someone...
I was a bit frustrated with a situation, but I worked so hard at trying to word things in a way, that would be understood yet, honest...I wanted to make a point without causing tension...or arguing.
I am 99.9% sure that what I was trying to say was not effective, and my point was not made. I am not sure that I even knew what I was trying to say...My point was completely lost in the softening of words. It was a waste of time for me to even try to explain things, so I didn't. I just allowed someone else to take the conversation over, and that was that...*Which was not a bad thing-But was a bad thing, because I had a reason for wanting to express my feelings about the situation*
So here is my thoughts, tonight at 9:10pm, Sunday night...Why didn't I just say what I was thinking and feeling? Why didn't I just blurt it all out like I usually do?
I would like to think...I did not want to upset those around me!!
Because I know that I need to work on my communication skills...Seriously! I struggle with communication, and getting people to understand why I do what I do, say what I say, and feel the way that I feel.
My problem is, I have a difficult time not being honest with others-Leading to ticking them off, or offending them. It usually doesn't matter how or what I say, someone always takes it wrong and gets a bit upset.
Great!!
I go and speak my mind, and than I go and feel guilty about it because again, I don't like to offend and make others feel bad...But if I don't speak up and tell it like it is, I get mad at myself-I have feelings. Why in the world should I bottle up, just because I don't want to hurt another persons feelings?
It is what it is, and I feel how I feel...I believe it is better to be honest and say what I feel, than to be an unreal person who just tells people what they want to hear, as to not upset or offend
*Not that I have not done this...Everyone has*
What I am sure others may think...
I have lots of kids, and I have been married for 20 years. I have had many experiences, and have done all sorts of differnt things in my life that I would say, that Gives me the right to say, 'I Understand!'.
So what I do is, like I have mentioned, I will give my opinion and thoughts...
Probably coming off as the typical...
'A know it all' Expert! **Noboday likes a Know it all!**
Well, I need to make something clear...I swear I do not belive that I am an 'Expert' on anything...But I will say that I really do feel that I have an understanding of how to raise a child. How painful life can be, physically and mentally. How hard it is to be a wife, and a mother. How hard it is to be in charge of something-At home, at the school, and at church. How tough it is, to pretty much function as a human being...
I have a deep hope...that just maybe, just maybe I might be able to help someone by offering up my opinion, and by being honest with my words...
*Not everyone wants to know what Toi thinks*
Understanding myself...
I have a true desire to learn how to communicate with others better, but after being wired this way for 39 years, I am not quite sure how easily that can be taught to, and learned by, someone who is so darn upfront.
I really do have a hard time listening to some people who just don't seem to have a clue...I want to fix this within myself. Because, as I desire the freedom to share my thoughts and opinions, others should be allowed to as well. I have, however, gotten better at listening, and not giving my opinion whether I agree with what is being said or not...*Not sure this is a good thing-yet it can't be a bad thing, is it??*
Believe me when I say, that if you have ever had a conversation with me, and you have walked away or hung up with me, feeling pretty annoyed, I promise...My intentions have always been good.
I have apologized so many times in my life, for being to blunt.
Well-I don't want to apologize. I mean if I am wrong, yes. But, I do not agree that I should apologize for sharing my thoughts. Yet-I really want to learn how to communicate my thought better.
I would rather people be open and honest with me...And I do realize that I may not always like what I am being told, but at least I don't ever have to question that person's honesty and character...Again, I want to learn how to communicate even with those that choose to be open with me, that I disagree with...I do not want to argue with others, I would love to just be able to walk away, knowing that it is ok to agree to disagree.
*It is important to know and learn that just because I feel strongly about things, that I may not be right. Learning to change those strong feelings-Is that possible? I do not believe one person is always right, including myself*
So here's my plan...
I have got to do some research and seriously find a way to take a communication class.
I also have a deep desire, to learn how to understand people-Especially those that drive me absolutely crazy...That way I won't feel so crazy!
Help me out...
So what is the point behind sharing this blog post with everyone-I would really love it if people would comment and let me know how they feel about this subject,
'Is it ok to be honest and blunt?
Should we change our thoughts into the type of words that won't offend?
Can we handle the truth? Can others handle the truth?'
'When is it ok to share our opinion? Should we always wait until we are asked??'
'Should we apologize if we offend others, even if what we said to offend the person, was honest and truthful?'
I respect...those who are genuinely open and honest! I want to know the truth, even though I may not like what I hear.
A genuine person is pretty recognizable...I want to be that kind of person. Someone you know is gonna just say it, and isn't going to sugar coat it...While, being able to recognize the other person's feelings...In other words, being open and honest finding a way to just say it without ugly words...
*Does that even make sense? Is that even possible?*
As for the conversation that I had today, that I just can't get over...I should have said what I wanted to say. Nothing is going to change if we all continue to just soften the issue, because we don't want to upset someone. I don't need to be rude, and I can for sure find a 'Respectful' manner in communicatin. Because beating around the bush, just got us nowhere and my words were misunderstood anyways and pure gibberish.
**I am going to learn how to do this: Talking and listening and communicating in a positive way-without cheating myself and taking away 'My' way of thinking and honesty :O)**
Here's to learning how to communicate...
No comments:
Post a Comment