When you picture in your mind how things are going to go it seems easier to move forward.
But when things go differently than you had hoped and/or expected, moving forward is tough...Losing the vision of what you saw coming, can be so discouraging.
Every foot step feels so heavy...
I have always tried to look at the bright side. Telling myself what I have told others several times, 'We create our own happiness'.
In my mind, I know I can change my attitude. But, I have found that in reality, it takes a bunch of emotional effort to remain positive when things seem so negative.
In a nut shell...
We left a company that we knew was going to put a direct deposit in our bank account twice a month, and that we would recieve a 'Nice' bonus every February.
We had amazing health insurance, retirement, and a good life insurance policy.
We had a home that was not perfect, but was only $360 a month. We also knew that our rent and propane would always be on time, and that we would never recieve a water bill.
We lived a block away from school, and I knew I could go and pop into one of the kid's class room whenever I wanted to. We, For sure 'I', was comfortable...Secure.
We lived in a 'Bubble'. There was a security in Bagdad, that was almost controlling. Popping that 'Bubble', would not be easy.
Learning how to live in the real word...YIKES!
We moved without having a positive job waiting for us, but we felt very confident that we would not have to worry about things working out 'Work' wise.
We had just enough money to get us on our feet...And just a few steps ahead.
We dove head first into making us a life outside of the 'Bagdad Bubble'...
-Ready to make the changes that we have been wanting and needing to make for some time for our family...Literally walking away, without looking back.
It hasn't been as easy as we had hoped.
There really is a jungle out there...
Money was going out, but no money was coming in. A few of the kids were really starting to go through 'Bagdad withdrawels' and finances were starting to feel heavy like a burden. A small depression was building up in our home. The life we knew and understood, was changing...Quickly!
Finding the positives started to become a chore, and I was having such a pity party, that I just didn't want to look for them...Even though I didn't have to look very hard nor very far.
Oh!! Shame on me...
One night, Jessi was sitting by me on our bed, and she was looking through my blog. She got on me and told me that I needed to get to blogging again. That she missed reading my blog.
After she had left, I opened up my blog and it was still open where Jessi had left it. As I was reading the old blog post, I nearly kicked myself in the fanny!
Tears filled my eyes...
I know exactly how to change things in my life, yet I have just refused to. Not wanting work at making things better. Why try?? Clearly, we have to go through some tough stuff...Well dang it! Didn't we JUST go through something that was Tough?!? Shouldn't things be easier now!
Man up! Move on! Keep moving forward!!
I needed an attitude adjustment...I needed to remember the little things! I needed to chip away at the big things...Not just expecting them to break down on their own-Or expect the Adorable One to deal with it all on his own.
So much to be thankful for...
We were blessed to move into a home that is just right in more ways than one.
We live away from most of the normal chaos that comes with a small community-*Of course we create our own chaos, so there is no escaping it*.
I always wanted to live just a bit out of the sight and minds of others...You know-Our own personal get away from it all...Well, this house is placed just right.
The School is about the same size as Bagdad's school...Maybe just a tad smaller. The teachers are nice and so far each one of the kids have all A's and B's. All of the kids are getting adjusted, making friends and in a sense starting over-Letting go!!
Justin has thrived the most since leaving Bagdad. Justin has been welcomed with open arms from the kids at school, the parents, and the coaches. He is the happiest I have ever seen him. It is about time!
*By the way...His paperwork for his mission are completed...We will be handing them in soon!*
Michael has a good job, and with this job he is able to travel and see some of the people he left behind at FMI. We don't make nearly as much as we were making at FMI, but we will get back to where we were.
Money does not create happiness...It does help, but in the end what matters most is where you are and who you are with.
There is no room for Greed, or for selfishness. EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT!
With such a 'HUGE' change, it is all going to take some time. It really is little by little. Step by step.
Faith...
I have mentioned that so much has changed...But one thing that hasn't changed and something that I know will never change...is how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Things don't happen in our time, it is all in God's timing.
Not for one second has it been forgotten what our family needs and wants. I may have lost a little bit of faith along this crazy roller coaster ride that we are on, but I know for a fact that our Heavenly Father is there, and he sure has helped us along the way. Some things have just fallen into to place, just like a puzzle, the pieces are all coming together...We just have to show patience and faith as we continue to work on this puzzle of our life.
I am so thankful that my husband never lost sight of what he believes in. Not once has he questioned how he should lead others. For quite some time, the Adorable One had to carry everything on his shoulders because of my lack of faith. I can't express enough how proud I am of my Teddy Bear. I have never doubted that Michael will always take care of his family. WE have Always had enough.
Things are hard, but there isn't anything that we can not accomplish if we are working together...As a couple, and as a family.
Every day we make a decision on how we are going to carry ourselves and how we are going to deal with the trials that come with each new day.
I know without a doubt that when we sit and ponder on all the hard things in our life, we will live the hardest way possible. And if we are not careful, sorrow will creep in and we will destroy our spirits.
There are just some things that we all face that we can not control. I cannot control how quickly the grass will grow, but I do know if I water the grass diligently, it will grow...And if I continue to nourish it, it will become greener and thicker with each coming day...Not to mention that I understand that from time to time I am going to have to pull out the weeds.
It is the same with faith.
Our family prays together. My husband and I pray together...Prayer is a must. Having faith is a must. Serving others is a must. Doing the best that we can each and every day is a must.
I don't know where our family is going to be in a year from now...But I can tell you that I am not looking back and I am not going to look so far ahead that I get discouraged with where we are today. There is a reason and a purpose that we go through hard times...We are going to come out strong.
This too...Shall pass!
I do not miss Bagdad like I thought I would...I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to live there for as long as we did, but our family needed to experience things outside the 'Bubble'. We were very spoiled in Bagdad, and I think we took things for granted just a tad more while living there.
**I do miss some of the amazing people who were always so good to me and our family**
I love my family and I am so glad that I have such amazing spirits around me to help hold me up at times.
We are all in the same boat, and we all have to keep on rowing...Some times harder and faster so that we can help those who struggle...But to stay afloat, we have to keep on rowing!
Just to let you know...The Pacheco's are running every day...And if things go my way, we will have a little running trail outlining the property that we live on... And this old lady...She has even been riding a bike...WHAT?? *And I pray the whole time...Please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall!! I control the bike-the bike does not control me... :O) Its been years folks!*
One day at a time...Taking deep breaths...Moving forward!!
Happy Friday!!
Smiling :O)
 |
| My handsome baby boy who isn't a baby any more...My heart is full! |
No comments:
Post a Comment